Kitty Kitty Bang Bang
I am not an avid cat lover. I love all animals, I just haven't ever truly loved cats. First off, I am allergic to them. Second, they have more mood swings than I do, they are vicious and scratch a lot. Third, they go through loud and gross heat.
Joel has a cat named Chloe. She has been in heat for about a month and a half now. It drives me crazy, listening to her mournfun horny cries. It grosses me out when she backs her ass onto my foot searching for relief. Yes, she really does that. She is an indoor cat, a softpaw, and she is single, so there is no male cat to tend to her needs. I have been wondering if there was anything I could do to get her to stop, short of either killing her or hiring a male cat stud.
Scott also has cats. His female, Morgana, used to go through heat years ago until she was fixed. Scott had a secret weapon though ... a Q-tip. Yes, you guessed it, Scott would gently, lovingly, and with no other thought than to relieve his own suffering, tend to Morgana's needs with a Q-tip. Know what? It worked. After the deed was done, Morgana would go into kitty gymnastics of orgasmic joy, and then become the calmest, sated kitty you'd ever seen. Scott was told this trick by his vet that it would help alleviate the 'pain' the cat was going through, and also help shorten the amount of time that the cat would be in heat.
I witnessed Scott doing this a couple times. I couldn't understand what would drive a person to masturbate their pet like that. I now understand. After putting up with Chloe's desperation for so long. I finally broke and decided to give it a try. I had told Joel of Scott's antics and he gave me a look that said, "Oh my God, that is the most disgusting and horrifying thing I have ever heard of!"
When Joel saw that I was going to do it, watching me bolt into the bathroom and emerge, Q-tip in hand, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Joel saw me put the Q-tip into my mouth, nobody likes a dry hump, watched me grab Chloe, and then said, "I can NOT watch this!" before almost running into the bedroom. I watched him, rather amused, as he retreated, and then positioned Chloe as I had seen Scott do.
Chloe got really wriggly, before I even started, but then quickly calmed down as I started this rather odd task. I can honestly say I have never done anything like that before, and it was a rather unique experience, although not entirely as unpleasant as I had feared. I am not saying I enjoyed it persay, just that I wasn't as disturbed as I had feared I would be. It was a learning experience, and I viewed it scientifically. As scientifically as one can think when they are looking at a cat's goodies, that is.
Being that I was a feline masturabatory virgin, I was very careful. I was gentle, slow and tried to pay attention to body language so I didn't inadvertantly hurt her. Apparently, I did a satisfactory job. As her growls got louder and deeper, I was actually really happy for her. Being a female, I understand the frustration that 99% of females of any species go through, so I was very glad to have been able to help her out. I knew I was done when she shot out of my grip and began turning flips that would have made an Olympic gymnast turn green with envy. I giggled watching her, stood up, promptly disposed of the Q-tip and went into the bedroom. Yes, I washed my hands first.
Joel looked deeply disturbed by the fact that I had just masturbated his cat. I look at it the same way as if she had had a tick, or fleas. I just did what needed to be done. While Joel wanted nothing to do with the entire ordeal, including not watching her gymnastics, he was very happy with the calm, loving cat he had for the rest of the evening. She was serene, and positively radiant with afterglow. The demon claws that had been scarring us for the past weeks didn't come out at all the rest of the night.
I informed Joel of what Scott's vet had said about shortening the amount of time the cat was in heat. His response after the wide-eyed stare dissolved? "Well, what are you waiting for? Do it again!"