The Playpen Porn Built

Once upon a time, there was a happy young woman named Lisa. She was a nice person, albeit a bit wacky sometimes, and for her age, she had a unique mature/silly perspective on life. One day she met Joel. Joel was much the same way, being manic and serene at the same time.

Lisa and Joel decided to go out to a fun looking place called Bourbon St. It adverted music, pool and drinks. Being that they were both the fun loving sort, they enjoyed a good game of pool amid a drink or two. So began their adventure into the depths of pure disturbing-ness.

Joel led the way, paying the cover, and after they got their wristbands, steered to a pool table. Lisa was immediately struck by the youth of the other patrons. The girls especially looked not yet old enough to have a learner's permit, while the males ranged in age from leering dirty old man to giggles when he sees boobs. There was a veritable hodge-podge of raging hormones, and they weren't all coming from the teenagers. The admission must have been "12 to Enter, 21 to Drink" just judging by the look of some of the girls in the club.

"Is it just me or do you feel like this is a day-care?" Joel asked Lisa. Lisa's eyes scanned the room again, just to be sure that she was seeing what she thought she was. As she shook her head, the waitress came by to take their drink order. That cemented Lisa's unease. The waitress looked like she should be at cheerleading practice somewhere, cooing over the latest 'TeenBeat'. The only thing that gave an indication of being old enough to be in a bar was the tattoo on her lower back.

The weirdness factor hit an all time high when Joel and Lisa realized that in this bar of pre-pubescents, there were 3 televisions over the bar playing medium-core porn. This was all well and good, Lisa liked porn as much as the next person, except that unlike how most people who just found out that there was a large breasted woman going crazy on herself in a bathtub would act, Lisa saw the younger male patrons of the bar pointing, giggling and some just sitting slack-jawed, eyes glazed over.

After amusing herself watching the little boys drool over the bouncing boobs on TV, Lisa refocused on having a good time while she was in this alternate universe. She and Joel played a couple games of pool, joked incessantly about the average age and grade of those in the bar, and had a couple drinks. The amount of jokes that could be made seemed rather endless, and they were going to tell them all.

The night then took a wild dive off the weirdness board and splashed right down into creepiness. Joel had to leave Lisa alone a moment to find a restroom (it was right next to the sandbox in the corner). In the moment he was gone, a large, hairy, Ron Jeremy look-alike sauntered up to where Lisa was sitting. Grabbing his crotch confidently, he stood in front of her. "Hey there, Little Girl! You here by yourself, baby?"

Having never been in this situation before, Lisa had no idea what to do. At first, she thought he must have been joking, mainly because he had been looming over the next pool table to Lisa and Joel since they had gotten there, surely he had seen that she wasn't there by herself. However, looking up into his semi-toasted eyes and gaping tooth-missing smile, she realized that he wasn't kidding. Lisa shrank back into the chair, smiled as best she could and shook her head, "No." The creepy man began walking away and Lisa looked around, wanting more than anything to leave, relieved when she saw Joel walking towards her.

Joel immediately caught the deer in the headlights look Lisa had and asked what happened. Lisa told him about the creepy dude and they decided that they would play one more game of pool and the beat feet. As they decided this, a group who looked like they should still be fighting over who was cooler, Malibu Barbie or G.I. Joe, walked up and asked if they could put down on the table. Joel and Lisa nodded, saying they were only playing one last game. The game couldn't have ended soon enough. When the game was finally finished, they finished their drinks, packed up the cigarettes and all but ran for the door.

Walking to the car, they began joking again about the average age and IQ of the kids in the bar. The couple then went back to Joel's to hang out for a bit and play with Joel's cat, Chloe. They spoke with disbelief about the night's events, wondering what they had been thinking and joking about bringing people there as a joke and then leaving them there.

Just as Lisa was ready to leave, they took off their wristbands, the badges of courage, and tossed them to Chloe, who immediately began playing with them. Then something caught Lisa's eye. Picking up one of the wristbands, she looked at it trying to figure out what the pattern was.

"Oh, look! Isn't that cute! They put adorable little dinosaurs on our wristbands!"

All kidding aside folks, unless you are absolutely out of your mind, stay away from this place. You could be 20 and you would feel old compared to the waitresses talking about home ec and the bartender doing his homework amid the beer bottles. You will wonder what kind of alternate universe you stepped into, you will wonder why this place exists ... you will wonder why you are still there, and then your only thought will be which pocket holds your keys.